Letterblade

Disorder	Your Score
Major Depression:	Extremely High
Dysthymia:	High
Bipolar Disorder:	High
Cyclothymia:	High-Moderate
Seasonal Affective Disorder:	Moderate
Postpartum Depression:	N/A
Take the Depression Test

Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha.

Still looking for a housemate. Along with every other geek in the Boston area, I know. :/

( State of the Tory )

( Job crap )

There. Batch of stuff that I wanted to get out there, somehow. Now I need a shower because I am a greaseball.

...or at least, ladies who LARP, plan to be in Worcester in November, and are interested in (and have not yet played) this game. Being particularly ladylike is not required. ;) Some secondary info about the game is here. Knowledge of the Pirates of Penzance is not required.

In other news, I just did this for the first time. It's...weird. I don't know if I could get used to doing it every day; the sensation as my nose is filling up, before it starts coming out the other side, is quite unpleasant to me. But it does seem to be helping with my currently epic nose/sinus congestion. And given that the congestion is currently bad enough to prevent me from sleeping...yeah. >.>

Pouring water up my nose: not something I ever expected to do voluntarily.

In other news, I am an exhausted lump and continuously failing at work.

*lump sound effects*

O HALP, I CAN HAZ UR DOKTER?

Assuming your doctor is good?

I'm falling the hell apart.

Recent, as in past week or two, developments:

- Maybe I have my mother's asthma? I am sometimes severely out of breath after climbing stairs--as in panting for three or four minutes--and sometimes feel as if my chest is tight or I cannot get a full breath, even when I am sitting about.

- Severe insomnia. Insomnia never used to be a problem of mine. WTF, self?

- Exhaustingly high levels of stress and anxiety, especially at work. I like to think I can be pretty chill about things. Evidently I can delude myself into thinking I'm chill right up until thinking that I need to crawl under my desk/into bed and never come out.

- Something I might almost call brain fog. Again, particularly at work. Cannot concentrate on anything, do not want to do anything except stare into space. And again, not a problem I usually have. Usually I'm very active and focused, as people who know me probably know. And of course this is sending my work performance down the tubes, which makes the above worse. Vicious circles all around.

This on top of months' worth of constant exhaustion, worsening depression, congestion, and appetite and digestive fluctuations. Everything's going just a little wrong with me all the time, and I am out. Of. Cope.

I am looking for the following:

- An astute PCP who's willing to listen to all my issues and try to do something about them, or refer me to appropriate specialists, rather than simply dismissing it as "you're fat, go get skinny." Yes, I've had that happen. Or, for that matter, that it's all in my head. If I could solve this shit by applying willpower, I would've done so, oh, WHEN IT STARTED.

- A good therapist. I'm skittish about therapists. I have issues with letting people help me; I have a whole host of odd hobbies that leads to a need for queer/poly/kinky/pagan friendly therapists. Mainly I am dealing with depression, and the attending self-worth issues, and anxiety/stress.

- And/or: A good psychiatrist. I'm on Celexa, which--I discovered after being unable to refill my prescription for a few days--is far worse than being off Celexa, but obviously I am still having issues. Perhaps I need a brain-med adjustment.

God. I am a wreck. *facepalm*

If you have personal recs, or even just can point me towards helpful directories/lists, I would be pretty pathetically grateful. I don't know when in hell I'm going to find time to see anybody, but having contacts would be a good first step; and it's not like anybody can help with the time issue. I drive; I'd be willing to drive a fair bit, except possibly for regular appointments, to deal with this shit.

I have spent most of the last week being sick as a dog, or at least a small puppy. Now that the stomach foo has started to clear up and I can finally eat, I seem to have spontaneously developed a chest cold.

I would like to register my strong vote of MEH about this, given that I'm still planning to hit IMA next weekend, and being Not Sick would be a nice benefit.

But that is why I've been, well, even more absent and even less productive than usual.

Sunday evening: took pill.
Sunday night: slept in ten-minute snippets while having the same dream over and over which I now can't reember.
Monday morning: exhausted, simultaneously nauseous and ravenous, and TWITCHING. semi-involuntary spasms.
Monday afternoon: mostly good.
Monday evening: could barely stay awake, splitting headache, took pill and painkillers.
Monday night: sleeeeeeeeeeeeep!
Tuesday morning: still exhausted, bloated, groggy.

alsdkfjalsdkfjlaksd YAY SIDE EFFECTS. D: Must gulp coffee and run to work. Brain is slow and lazy. Feel like off-course blimp, did I MENTION the bloat? Getting yowled at by Tiny Cute Cat.

Running late. Meep.