(no subject)
Apr. 30th, 2003 01:39 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
letterbladeMy mind hurts.
I can't write right now. There's too much needing to be done, and all I want to do is crawl off and heal myself. I'm stuck in a box of what has to get done, and I need to be free, and creating. But I can't be free, and I even have to write, and I can't write because I have to.
My hands hurt too, still and stiff and sore, but I know why that is.
I need to write again. I need to find the flow. Haven't found it in a while. Everything I'm working on right now, fanfic and novel, is not coming from the flow, and writing it is like shitting rocks, and it's all dying, every last word. LoS, Siriuscookie, the novel, OLDfic--you name it, it's dying. I feel like I'm standing amongst the monstrous falling birds in that Bruno Schulz story.
I awoke two hours after I crashed with my mind whirling, barely knowing where I was. Overheated some--not terribly so--but I had been dreaming, non-stop, obssessively. Kept thinking I saw things that weren't there even when I awoke. My mind needs to relax. I can't go back to bed if I fear it won't be peaceful.
Tried to drive the music out of my head. It didn't work. This concert is killing me.
I can't write right now. There's too much needing to be done, and all I want to do is crawl off and heal myself. I'm stuck in a box of what has to get done, and I need to be free, and creating. But I can't be free, and I even have to write, and I can't write because I have to.
My hands hurt too, still and stiff and sore, but I know why that is.
I need to write again. I need to find the flow. Haven't found it in a while. Everything I'm working on right now, fanfic and novel, is not coming from the flow, and writing it is like shitting rocks, and it's all dying, every last word. LoS, Siriuscookie, the novel, OLDfic--you name it, it's dying. I feel like I'm standing amongst the monstrous falling birds in that Bruno Schulz story.
I awoke two hours after I crashed with my mind whirling, barely knowing where I was. Overheated some--not terribly so--but I had been dreaming, non-stop, obssessively. Kept thinking I saw things that weren't there even when I awoke. My mind needs to relax. I can't go back to bed if I fear it won't be peaceful.
Tried to drive the music out of my head. It didn't work. This concert is killing me.
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*hugs*
Date: Apr. 30th, 2003 04:23 am (UTC)*offers absinthe and chocolate*
(I've sacrificed an imaginary ferret to the Goddess of Creative Time Management on your behalf, by the way.)