Have belatedly realized source of recent....thingie

[letterblade]

What do I even call my recent thingie? It's kind of beyond depression into complete avoidance of everything. I'm not sure I've read my email in a few days.

I've realized that a lot of it is probably the moving thing. Moving by itself I could supposedly cope with. Huge pain in the ass, seeing as I've actually mostly settled here (unlike the other 2938492834 places I moved out of), but. No, the problem is that I've come to think of this place as home. A lot of the time, it feels like I'm home in my parents' house, except without the messed-up mom. A lived-here-forever sort of thing. Dunno why. But.

Settling is not okay. Will always get kicked out. I thought I was over that paranoia. But.

They're looking for a replacement roommate who wants to be all family-like and have dinner together and shared activities. I highly recommend this place, really. Even if the fact that they're kicking me out and replacing me when they didn't even tell me what they wanted kind of stings.

Nope. Not over that paranoia. Which is another part of why I am avoiding the housing search. Why look through listing after listing, trying to find a place I can like to live, knowing that I'll be kicked out of it in a year or two?

And I probably need to go get another crappy job that eats my entire life, doesn't pay enough to live on, and gets me treated like crap and thrown away in three months. Not going to get another job as good as the last one. Not freaking possible with my resume and poor interview skills. Jewelry is fun, but sales are miserable.

Also, what does it mean when you're semi-consistently having slight blurry/double vision, things like the tops of doors doubled vertically (if that even makes sense), and it's in both eyes? Buh?

Also, I suck. Knowing why I'm avoiding real life doesn't help a damn bit towards fixing it. I'm getting my car worked on today. I can say that much for myself.

Comments

[heavenscalyx.livejournal.com]

They're looking for a replacement roommate who wants to be all family-like and have dinner together and shared activities. I highly recommend this place, really. Even if the fact that they're kicking me out and replacing me when they didn't even tell me what they wanted kind of stings.

Wow. So, if they want a friend (or a nonsexual secondary, or whatever) living with them, why did they originally look for a roommate? Because that sounds like they're requiring not only rent, but friendship, which is a rather large demand. And they didn't tell you. That... really sucks.

Interview skills are hard-won. Here's a tip that works for me, though: imaging you've been given a LARP character with high charisma and lots of skills (that just happen to match your own). Your motivation for this scene? Convincing the manager that you're fucking awesome. Go! (Really, it took me years to get good at interviewing, and it was soul-sucking and I hated every minute of it and I had interviewers who reduced me to tears and bullied me out of the office and job searching SUCKS.)

The vision thing? It, unfortunately, means that you probably need to get to an ophthalmologist. Maybe you've developed an astigmatism? Definitely a vision change.

[nevacaruso.livejournal.com]

It sounds like the futility of all this is making you feel very helpless, and I sympathize.

I think that heavenscalyx's interview advice is definitely worth a try. An interview is (at least in part) a performance, after all, and one nice thing about getting into character is that you can bring your own skills and experience but check your own out-of-character foo at the door. And I know you can turn in a good LARP performance.

As for the apartment hunting, now you know to ask what your prospective roommates want from someone they're living with, and now you know to tell them clearly what you want in return. I don't mean to imply that the misunderstanding with your current housemates was your fault (it wasn't), and I know all of this sounds hopelessly cheesy and "but this is a LEARNING EXPERIENCE!" but... it is something you can do to increase your chances of a decent match.

Good luck.

[paper-crystals.livejournal.com]

Something which I do which sometimes helps and sometimes doesn't but helps enough so that I use it is pretend that the interview is a practice interview. I think this both makes me put a lot more effort into the into and become less emotionally attached to it.

*hugs*

I hope you find somewhere where you can feel at home. Or at least relax enough so even if you don't feel at home you feel safe.

[paper-crystals.livejournal.com]

(Also, if there is an interview skills workshop in your area GO TO IT. A lot of the stuff that was said at the CCNY interview workshop that I went to was obvious but it was also really helpful.)

[bleemoo.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[tenshikurai9.livejournal.com]

You search for a place you're going to leave in 2 to 3 years to avoid being homeless in the shorter term.

[(Anonymous)]

'Also, I suck'
Oh. I. Do. Not. Believe. You. You've written 'Letters from Nurmengrad to Hogwarts' - for which I'm grateful - and that's why I'm here.
You do deserve a home-like place.
I've just read your post and I symphatize. I wish I could do anything more. *stare helplessly*
I was about to comment 'Letters', though I didn't know if I could find the words to describe what they mean to me.
Well, just forget it. I hope that one day you'll win your happiness.
With gratitude for your Albus and Gellert,
Another Cat Lover

PS Sorry for the mistakes.

[amberite.livejournal.com]

No, the problem is that I've come to think of this place as home. A lot of the time, it feels like I'm home in my parents' house, except without the messed-up mom. A lived-here-forever sort of thing. Dunno why.

I have had that happen as an adult. The way it finally stopped happening was that I went and lived in China for a while and came back. (Sorry, I read that wrong. Different problem. I thought you were saying that settling = "parents' house" vibe = depression. I has a reading comprehension fail.)

Double vision sounds like something you need to see a doctor for. :-(