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letterbladeWhat do I even call my recent thingie? It's kind of beyond depression into complete avoidance of everything. I'm not sure I've read my email in a few days.
I've realized that a lot of it is probably the moving thing. Moving by itself I could supposedly cope with. Huge pain in the ass, seeing as I've actually mostly settled here (unlike the other 2938492834 places I moved out of), but. No, the problem is that I've come to think of this place as home. A lot of the time, it feels like I'm home in my parents' house, except without the messed-up mom. A lived-here-forever sort of thing. Dunno why. But.
Settling is not okay. Will always get kicked out. I thought I was over that paranoia. But.
They're looking for a replacement roommate who wants to be all family-like and have dinner together and shared activities. I highly recommend this place, really. Even if the fact that they're kicking me out and replacing me when they didn't even tell me what they wanted kind of stings.
Nope. Not over that paranoia. Which is another part of why I am avoiding the housing search. Why look through listing after listing, trying to find a place I can like to live, knowing that I'll be kicked out of it in a year or two?
And I probably need to go get another crappy job that eats my entire life, doesn't pay enough to live on, and gets me treated like crap and thrown away in three months. Not going to get another job as good as the last one. Not freaking possible with my resume and poor interview skills. Jewelry is fun, but sales are miserable.
Also, what does it mean when you're semi-consistently having slight blurry/double vision, things like the tops of doors doubled vertically (if that even makes sense), and it's in both eyes? Buh?
Also, I suck. Knowing why I'm avoiding real life doesn't help a damn bit towards fixing it. I'm getting my car worked on today. I can say that much for myself.
I've realized that a lot of it is probably the moving thing. Moving by itself I could supposedly cope with. Huge pain in the ass, seeing as I've actually mostly settled here (unlike the other 2938492834 places I moved out of), but. No, the problem is that I've come to think of this place as home. A lot of the time, it feels like I'm home in my parents' house, except without the messed-up mom. A lived-here-forever sort of thing. Dunno why. But.
Settling is not okay. Will always get kicked out. I thought I was over that paranoia. But.
They're looking for a replacement roommate who wants to be all family-like and have dinner together and shared activities. I highly recommend this place, really. Even if the fact that they're kicking me out and replacing me when they didn't even tell me what they wanted kind of stings.
Nope. Not over that paranoia. Which is another part of why I am avoiding the housing search. Why look through listing after listing, trying to find a place I can like to live, knowing that I'll be kicked out of it in a year or two?
And I probably need to go get another crappy job that eats my entire life, doesn't pay enough to live on, and gets me treated like crap and thrown away in three months. Not going to get another job as good as the last one. Not freaking possible with my resume and poor interview skills. Jewelry is fun, but sales are miserable.
Also, what does it mean when you're semi-consistently having slight blurry/double vision, things like the tops of doors doubled vertically (if that even makes sense), and it's in both eyes? Buh?
Also, I suck. Knowing why I'm avoiding real life doesn't help a damn bit towards fixing it. I'm getting my car worked on today. I can say that much for myself.