Meep. Meep. Meep.

[letterblade]

I very rarely post at all from work. But, meep, I needed to go somewhere, metaphorically speaking, and quietly FREAK OUT FOR A BIT. What with, y'know, terrorists shooting people to death in churches and museums. I am freaking out a bit.

It's odd, I suppose. The much larger-scale attacks committed by international Muslim-fundamentalist terrorists frightened me less. Maybe it's because they scared so many other people into overreacting, and I deliberately took the calmer attitude. Maybe it's because they were so tremendous, so shocking, that they didn't quite register in the same way. It's much easier to be scared of being shot by a nutjob when you walking down the street than to be scared of having twenty well-organized nutjobs flying planes into you. What's simpler is more plausible, more likely to happen again.

But smaller-scale attacks committed by domestic Christian-fundamentalist terrorists? Yeah, I'm scared. Maybe because of the plausibility. Maybe because Fox News and talk radio are practically cheering these guys on in their efforts to murder and terrorize American citizens. But really--

Al Qaeda targeted Americans. And that's a very, very broad target. I identify only vaguely as American, mostly because I happen to be born and raised here and because I agree with the basic tenants of liberty and equality which the American government and political culture likes to shit upon. And it's a very, very big target. Millions upon millions. When 9/11 happened, I didn't know anybody personally involved. I think I'm as closely connected to the writers of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine as I am to anyone deeply affected by those attacks.

But these guys who have been shooting policemen, doctors and woman's health specialists, Unitarian congregants, security guards whose only crime is standing about in a Holocaust memorial?

I was raised Jewish. I'm a sexually active, pro-choice woman. I'm queer and very out about it. I'm a progressive liberal. And those are all things I do identify with, quite strongly.

Not personally, no, but ideologically? These terrorists are targeting me. They're targeting my friends, my lovers, people whose work I admire. They're targeting my lifestyle, my ideas, my ethics. They've murdered, and will continue to murder, people like me.

So, yeah, I guess it's a monkeysphere thing. Much as I try to have a strong sense of sympathy and personal identification, it's still more likely to extend to Dirty Fucking Hippies like me than to America as a whole. But it's a rather jarring moment when you realize that there are folks out there who want people like you dead.

Meep.

Though I shouldn't complain too much--I've got it easy. I'm white, so I can walk down the street without worrying about getting shot by cops. I'm able-bodied, so I can call the EMTs and have a reasonable expectation that they might actually help me. I'm cisgendered, so I can show somebody my genitals without, again, worrying about getting shot.

Goddamnit.

I mourn for the victims. I pray for the survivors. And I still hope, even if I know it's in vain, that our country might find sanity at some point.

Comments

[nevacaruso.livejournal.com]

Eloquently if soberingly put.

*prays and meeps with you*