In which I am pathetic about Ex-Boy, round 2938482374

[letterblade]

Have just been informed by a mutual friend that Ex-Boy and his New Girl have returned from Germany--though I didn't think to ask whether this was permanent or temporary. (I thought she'd had a job there for a year, and it's been far less than that.) At the time, it simply seemed odd that I'd been talking with the Lily (mllelaurel) and the Pooka (pookit) about whether Ex-Boy and I would wind up heading in the friend direction at some point, and I was saying that his being in Germany was, uh, prohibitive. Cause, y'know, Germany.

(With the exception of often fleeting netfriends, I don't do long-distance well, even with friends or family, never mind Relationships.)

At the time I heard the news, I honestly didn't give it much thought, but then as I was driving home and getting stuck behind 29382479837 idiots and/or buses, it occurred to me--dear lord, if he's local, we might run into each other or something. The thought of contacting him suddenly becomes more relevant. And WTF do I do?

Clearly I can't win. If he moves to Germany, I get pathetic about the fact that he disappeared off to live with New Girl without even telling me. If he comes back, I get pathetic about the fact that we have a slim chance of briefly existing at the same coordinates.

At least I'm not alone anymore, thank god.

Yesterday, as a result of more conversation, I was thinking about magic and other Related Things. Y'know, the things which have been pretty much dead to me since Boy became Ex-Boy. And...I don't even know. No conclusions, except realizing again that the concept of doing anything magical by myself holds no joy or appeal.

I'm going to go off and be a good girl and do my laundry and clean my room and eat my dinner and schedule my LARP now. -.-

My recent life pattern: weeks are ass, weekends are ABSOLUTELY HEAVENLY. Hrm. If only I could spread it out a little. Want...to...start...nerd...commune...*twitch*

Also? Barbarella. Just. Barbarella.

Comments

[unicornvamp3z.livejournal.com]

Uuuuugh, I will sooo join you in living in this nerd commune

[slipjig.livejournal.com]

Clearly I can't win. If he moves to Germany, I get pathetic about the fact that he disappeared off to live with New Girl without even telling me. If he comes back, I get pathetic about the fact that we have a slim chance of briefly existing at the same coordinates.

You hit it right on the nose, I think: if your experience set is anything like mine, then no, there isn't going to be a right answer no matter what happens. But it's not really about "can't win" or "being pathetic," somuch as finding your center of gravity. It's like trying on new shoes: until your system figures out how to be comfortable with New!LifeConfiguration, pretty much everything is going to chafe one way or the other. My long-winded way of saying, "It'll get better. I promise."

If only I could spread it out a little. Want...to...start...nerd...commune...*twitch*

Ooo! Ooo! *raises hand* Can has? Please?

[contradictacat.livejournal.com]

If it makes you feel better, for about a year after one of my relationships broke up, I was so spastic about being in the same town as him that I checked on his school's break schedule.

[nevacaruso.livejournal.com]

I would also totally join a nerd commune.

As for the ex-Boy drama... ack. The awkwardness is perfectly understandable; it sounds like you thought you had closure, even if it wasn't the closure that you wanted or hoped for from him, and now it turns out that something may have opened again. Under those circumstances, I'd be flailing too. And slipjig's right: there isn't a right answer, but you are strong enough to handle the heartache that whatever choice brings, and we are here for you before, during, and after.

[usernamenumber.livejournal.com]

Regarding the nerd commune, they do exist. That's what things like Camelot Cohousing are doing, though they're way up in Berlin, MA. I still have this no-way-in-hell dream of a bunch of friends all being ready and able to buy their own places at about the same time, and a condo or new neighborhood being opened up just then, which everyone descends upon and fills up with nifty people. =:)

(related to larp scheduling, I sent you a couple of emails about this-- did you get them?)

[rivenwanderer.livejournal.com]

I have nothing useful to say, only hugs. *hugs*

We should hang out some weekend or something :)