An entirely different kind of selfishness

[letterblade]

I'd like to take a moment to attempt to dispel a rather ugly rumor that may be or have been going about: I never, in any way, deliberately attempted to deprive Cyn of her medication.

I'm not sure how far this rumor spread. As far as I know, it was the brief, angst-induced misconception of a mutual friend; I only heard about it months later, and found it most shocking and alarming. (If you haven't heard of this--no, I'm not going into further detail about who and why and how I know, as that's somebody else's business entirely. I'd just like to get my bit of personal truth out there.)

But, please, believe me--I would never have done that. I was, in fact, encouraging Cyn to take them, and quite worried when she couldn't (or, at times, wouldn't.) Yes, by and large, she was off them because we couldn't afford them (or because she forgot to go to the doctor, or what-have-you); we couldn't afford them because I was a useless flake and couldn't hold down a real job. But this does not translate to deliberate intent.

I'm sorry for the brief injunction of previous-breakup-drama, but it makes me paranoid when there are slanderous untruths floating around about me, especially given how many friends I've lost or been distanced from through this mess. The slanderous truths are bad enough!

We now return to your regularly scheduled current-breakup-drama.

Comments

[callunav.livejournal.com]

Oh, for god's sake. People are spreading that? that is disgusting. It is so patently obvious that you would never in a million years do something like that.

I'm sorry...It feels weird to realize I can still be surprised and appalled by anything about this, but I guess I'm not very skilled in cynicism.

Jesus fucking christ...how vicious and ugly.

To address a few other points in your post: you were trying hard to make work work. If you really think that your temporary inability makes you a contemptible human being, then please go to Harvard Square and tell three of the homeless people you see there that you feel the same way about them. If it shouldn't be said of or to them, then it damn well shouldn't be said of or two you.

Second, it is Cyn's responsibility to pay for and make sure she takes her own meds. Period, the end. Nothing you did or failed to do can transfer that responsibility onto you.

You have been unbelievably strong in dealing with a great many things that are catastrophic to the psyche. I understand that. I still can't accept that the best way for you to process them is by heaping verbal abuse on yourself. I think you've had quite enough of that from other sources.

I am fiercely glad you are defending yourself against this particularly nasty piece of rumor-mongering, even if you are doing it in an unnecessarily apologetic and self-denigrating way. You deserve support and staunch protection, from yourself first of all.

So, go you. And I want you to know that in the extremely unlikely event that I had heard this rumor from someone who believed it? I would not even have hesitated for a second to declare flatly that I didn't believe it.

The very idea makes me want to spit.

[heavenscalyx.livejournal.com]

Really, I have nothing to say on this subject that CallunaV did not say better than I could in my current state of brain mush. Except I still have to echo her general sentiment of being appalled by anyone who could possibly believe this of you. What a pile of stinking tripe.

[nevacaruso.livejournal.com]

Just echoing everything what [Unknown site tag] and heavenscalyx said, and adding that you're to be commended for quelling the rumors so levelheadedly. I'd be a raging wibbly mess if people went around spreading gossip like this about me.

Also, I've known you a lot longer than either Cyn or most of the people who are probably listening to these rumors, and I can vouch for your never, ever, ever being that deliberately cruel or damaging to someone you love. Ever.

[wired-lizard.livejournal.com]

Meh, I have bigger things to be a raging wibbly mess about. :) But thank you. *snug*

[akycha.livejournal.com]

People have already said all the things I might have; and of course I am not plugged in to any group where the rumor might have circulated.

But if it is any help, I wanted to add that I would not have believed it for a moment, and anyone who would has obviously never met you.