Lesson of the day: Communication Is Good.
Mar. 17th, 2008 07:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
letterbladeSo that's the third good friend, not counting Cyn herself, who I've lost in this mess. And I didn't even know until I asked her directly, to her face, probably days or weeks after I could've done anything or had any positive interaction.
Okay, kids. This is what I'm in the process of learning right now.
I declare this honesty/defriending amnestyday forever.
If, for whatever reason, you think I'm a piece of shit and that we cannot be friends anymore, tell me so that I know we're not friends. Because otherwise I won't know.
If, for whatever reason, I'm making you uncomforable, tell me why so that I can attempt to stop doing so. Because otherwise I won't know how.
If, for whatever reason, you can't be in the same room with me without uncomfortableness and drama, tell me so that I can avoid you as necessary. Because otherwise I won't.
I am not a vindictive or spiteful person. I'm just not; it's not in my nature. I won't hold it against you if I understand your reasons; people having issues that I understand don't piss me off. What pisses me off is being shoved away or ignored without explanation. The drama sheep-dance, if you will. And I hate sheep-dancing; it's pointless, wastes time, and creates more trouble than it saves.
This is not an attempt to stir up drama, and this is not emotional masochism; encouraging or supportive comments are not necessary. I want to know so that I can use said knowledge to inform my behavior, both towards you in particular and in general. Feedback is an essential component of the strange loop that is the human mind, and radio silence is not feedback.
And, while I'm on the attemping-to-minimize-drama soapbox: this should be obvious to anyone who knows me, but just so it's concretely out there, I do not want anyone to choose sides between me and Cyn unless their own psychology or preferences dictate so. Side-choosing leads to social-group civil-wars; and those lead to a lot of broken friendships and a lot of pain. So not worth it. And, also, in case this is a concern, I like Switzerland, and I'm not going to put pressure on its denizens. At this point, I've given up on hearing anything from or about my former triad again; I'm not going to be asking for go-betweens or any such bullshit.
Comments screened; only I will know whatever you may have to say to me.
And now I need food.
Okay, kids. This is what I'm in the process of learning right now.
Knowledge Is Power
Communication Is Good
I declare this honesty/defriending amnesty
If, for whatever reason, you think I'm a piece of shit and that we cannot be friends anymore, tell me so that I know we're not friends. Because otherwise I won't know.
If, for whatever reason, I'm making you uncomforable, tell me why so that I can attempt to stop doing so. Because otherwise I won't know how.
If, for whatever reason, you can't be in the same room with me without uncomfortableness and drama, tell me so that I can avoid you as necessary. Because otherwise I won't.
I am not a vindictive or spiteful person. I'm just not; it's not in my nature. I won't hold it against you if I understand your reasons; people having issues that I understand don't piss me off. What pisses me off is being shoved away or ignored without explanation. The drama sheep-dance, if you will. And I hate sheep-dancing; it's pointless, wastes time, and creates more trouble than it saves.
This is not an attempt to stir up drama, and this is not emotional masochism; encouraging or supportive comments are not necessary. I want to know so that I can use said knowledge to inform my behavior, both towards you in particular and in general. Feedback is an essential component of the strange loop that is the human mind, and radio silence is not feedback.
And, while I'm on the attemping-to-minimize-drama soapbox: this should be obvious to anyone who knows me, but just so it's concretely out there, I do not want anyone to choose sides between me and Cyn unless their own psychology or preferences dictate so. Side-choosing leads to social-group civil-wars; and those lead to a lot of broken friendships and a lot of pain. So not worth it. And, also, in case this is a concern, I like Switzerland, and I'm not going to put pressure on its denizens. At this point, I've given up on hearing anything from or about my former triad again; I'm not going to be asking for go-betweens or any such bullshit.
Comments screened; only I will know whatever you may have to say to me.
And now I need food.