Belated PSA.

[letterblade]

I feel like I should note that I've given up on NaNo, and indeed did so a few weeks ago, though I only came fully to the realization recently. I feel tremendously shitty about it, and betraying of my principles and giving up on the only thing I'm good for and so forth, and it has nothing to do (I think) with the book going to shit and everything to do with the past two weeks or so being, in both scheduling and emotional content, incredibly stressful and exhausting.

I should not by any rights be this discombobulated, but I am. :/ My post-college identity crisis continues unabated, and my intellectual energy is non-existent, and the past few days were spent in constant socializing with large groups of people among whom I was repeatedly plagued by the Tory Is Invisible Syndrome...not a happy introvert. Social batteries completely drained, need long nights alone to recharge. Thank god I have them!

Some very good things happened these past few weeks, too, very good, and it's not like I haven't been getting some relaxation time (mmm, PGSM), but then there was that week of not being able to sleep due to schedule. And I've been feeling very...small for a while now. Little. Young. Insufficient experience points to keep up with rest of party.

I've spent most of today, while Cyn is at work, eating comfort food, dancing incessantly, and wallowing in random Voyager episodes. (Equinox = Janeway is psychotic, dear god, put Chakotay in charge! Riddles = very cute, and slashy as all hell, even if I generally tend to ignore Neelix's existence where such things are concerned.) I'm starting to feel vaguely me again. It is a good feeling.

Will attempt to catch up on bills, late emails, temp agency phone calls, oh my god I have to go to grad school before I starve to death issues, and other demons of the emotional spazz...tomorrow. Tomorrow, goddamnit. I needed a comfort day, so bring on the popcorn!

But, god, I still suck for not doing NaNo. :/

And our landlords gave us more money back! Yey!

Comments

[ayalanya.livejournal.com]

meep. i'm sorry. i was acting based on the assumption that you were deliberately removing yourself from much of the interaction in order to not be quite as stressed (being myself an introvert who will sometimes go to social things and then hide because i don't want to deal with anyone). should i perhaps reverse that assumption when this sort of thing happens?

[x-bluerose-x.livejournal.com]

What she said :)

[cktraveler.livejournal.com]

*hugs very tightly*

If there is anything I can do ... even if you think it's a selfish request ... name it.

[nevacaruso.livejournal.com]

*hugs you*

I think that everyone gets discombobulated sometimes, no matter where they are in life. And while it sucks that you didn’t feel motivated to finish your NaNo project, it doesn’t mean that you suck. (Yes, I gave up, too. Yes, I had the exact same feelings that you're having.) It’s a situation designed to induce stress, and while that’s a creative goad for some people, it isn’t for everyone. It’s not like people show up at the end of November to take back the pages that we have accumulated and/or tell us that we can never write anything again. You should do whatever (within reason) allows you to feel less stressed and more in charge and more like yourself.

[moonshadow.livejournal.com]

Perhaps this is a good time to say I was hoping I might see you at the social tonight? I'll probably be there between four-thirty and a little before six, and you are definitely NOT invisible to me.

[oakenguy.livejournal.com]

Oh dear.

You totally don't suck at all for not doing Nano. Stories are like dates; sometimes one just doesn't work out, and it's not you it's not them it's just a bad fit. Going on a 30-day-long date with someone you don't really feel like being around? It's teh suck.

When you *do* have those batteries recharged (and no hurry, I know how it is this time of year), it'd be cool to see you again!