I am slogging away on my resume.

[letterblade]

Will take a minute or two out to entertain others in lieu of entertaining myself: two doses of crack.

Dose one, though some of you FMA folk have probably already seen this: Hughes gives Ed the Talk. With zuchinni. From an LJ RPG, link gacked from heavenscalyx.

Dose two, copied from an email forward from my delightfully sporky uncle-in-law:

Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (P) and the solutions (S) recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Comments

[mentalhygiene.livejournal.com]

*gigglesnort* Stop *giggle* distracting me *chortle* from my essay. *snicker*

[velvet-mace.livejournal.com]

HA HA HA HA!!

I enjoyed both of those a lot. I really liked the birds and the bees done with zuchinni. I like the way Hughes was explaining gay sex rather than straight though.

The airline maintenene jokes were great.

[nevacaruso.livejournal.com]

*dies laughing* OMG. ZUCCHINI OTP.

Hughes/Ed theirloveissonutritious?

Thank you for sharing!

BTW, talked to Cara today. She's back from Ireland and says hi.

[cosmicbiscuit.livejournal.com]

The list...::cacklesnort::

[callunav.livejournal.com]

I've seen the airline maintenance thing, and it still made me laugh out loud.

[cktraveler.livejournal.com]

Heard this one?

A certain pilot was known for being highly skilled at flying a plane and not quite as good with his communication skills -- a real character. On one memorable occasion he was coming into his destination airport and was ordered by the tower to circle. Apparently, the previous plane to land on that runway had come in too fast and left a line of scorched rubber, which would have to be firehosed away for safety.

The pilot promptly clicked on the intercom and said "Ladies and gentlemen, there'll be a short delay while they clear up what's left of the last plane that landed here."

[flamesword.livejournal.com]

XDDD

Definitely entertained here. ♥ Good luck with the resume!

[stickmarionette.livejournal.com]

*giggles* Thank you!