letterblade

Intellect and curiosity: shut down. Reason unknown, though it probably includes exhaustion and burnout.

Creativity: shut down. Reason unknown, though ditto above.

Desire to communicate with others: shut down. Reason is the usual wacky combination of self-protection and self-harm. (Being around people can be one of the healthier things for me, hence the latter.)

Sex drive: shut down. Reason is probably an extension of the above, mixed with sheer confusion.

It's ten on a Saturday night. I had an invitation to a play party, which I didn't follow up on partially because my phone and net connection both died when I went to contact people for more info, and partially because I was all meh. And instead I'm going to be showering and going to sleep, before my bedtime on a weekend, with Final Fantasy status condition symbols dancing behind my eyelids. My dazzling, fascinating life.

I. Um.

I miss being in a (healthy) relationship. I miss the interaction, the support. I miss Eric; I miss the person I was becoming when I was with him.

I miss not feeling like there's a huge, gaping, bloody hole in my chest.

I need my soul jump-started. It's kind of run out of energy and curled up under a rock somewhere.