Hey libido, bats in the belfry, jolly old Sigmund Freud!

Dear Subconscious,

You are not fair.

Anyone and anything can make you think that I suck, but nobody and nothing can, for the slightest second, convince you that there's a hint of worth to my existence. You can always go down but you can never go up. Thus you are constantly spiraling and imploding, with the result that I am constantly dysfunctional. This is not a workable long-term system. Please advise.

Come on, work with me here. Aren't you the part of me that's supposed to give me creativity and sex drive and such? But you've stopped even with that. There is no reason for me to be mentally ill, you dingbat of an id. Stop it.

Just when did you get conditioned so badly anyway?

I know we're stuck, but I'm not going to be able to get my ass out of this hole unless you give me a boost.

No love,

Tory

Edit:

Dear Uterus,

That's the second dose of painkillers for the day.

Please stop sucking.

Also please stop dragging my intestines into your suckage. They are innocent. So is my rectum and my appetite. If you absolutely must suck, please at least keep it to yourself.

No love,

Tory