Apr. 14th, 2002

letterblade: (Default)
what is the difference between a) a group temporarily relocating its area or time of meeting and not informing one of its members and b) a group ditching said member? especially when said member has been informed by another member that he or she is the source of some tension.
just wondering.
no, it has nothing to do with my social life. i have no social life. why do you ask?

okay, so i know on an intellectual level that they don't hate me, that it was just by accident or by temporary relocation that i've managed to miss all my friends except one at half the recent meals. but that doesn't help the deep sense of rejection and betrayal. i thought i had a batch (read: over two) of people who i could enjoy the company of at meals with regularity and who wouldn't mind too much my ramblings. i'd even grown comfortable with this group of people, even though some of them i barely know or understand, to the point where i consider them friends.
and then, with no warning, they ditch me temporarily relocate. now the one person who will still deign to eat with me has explained matters to the best of her ability such that i have at least a vague idea that it's not really my fault, that the tension between me and her is only one of the problems, and i'm ruder than i think i am. i understand that they don't hate me, really i do.
but i still feel like my stomach isn't wired right, and i know it isn't still aftershocks from seeing Dead Alive.

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